[{"data":1,"prerenderedAt":113},["ShallowReactive",2],{"db-company":3,"page-writing-articles-exulansis-en":24},{"id":4,"extension":5,"meta":6,"stem":22,"__hash__":23},"db/db/company.json","json",{"name":7,"registrationNumber":8,"businessNumber":8,"dateOfIncorporation":9,"type":8,"publicationManager":7,"registeredOffice":10,"corporateOffice":14,"emails":19,"social":20,"url":21},"Nicolas Bages","","1986",{"phone":11,"address":12},"none",{"unit":8,"street":8,"postalCode":13,"city":8,"country":8},false,{"phone":15,"address":16},"+00/00000000",{"unit":8,"street":8,"postalCode":8,"city":8,"country":8,"gps":17},{"latitude":18,"longitude":18},0,{"sales":8},{"facebook":8,"linkedin":8,"x":8,"instagram":8,"teams":8,"gmaps":8},{"website":8},"db/company","0ivZqUmrLRJhhXT1FJE9r0Yfyu61ogQvu0tIXACVB04",{"id":25,"title":26,"body":27,"description":100,"extension":101,"meta":102,"navigation":107,"path":108,"seo":109,"sitemap":110,"stem":111,"__hash__":112},"pages_en/writing/articles/exulansis.md","Exulansis",{"type":28,"value":29,"toc":97},"minimark",[30,37,50,53,56,59,62,65,68,71,74,77,80,83,86,89,92],[31,32,33,36],"p",{},[34,35,26],"em",{},". I just learned this word (in English) today and it resonates so much in me. The first time I felt it I thought it was my fault. The guilt emerged because I thought I wasn't good enough at expressing myself. Not enough vocabulary? Didn't read enough books? Then later, I met this feeling so many times, often in relation to life experiences I had but others never imagined.",[38,39,40],"blockquote",{},[31,41,42,46,49],{},[43,44,45],"strong",{},"Definition:",[47,48],"br",{},"\nResignation to stop talking about an experience, because others cannot relate to it.",[31,51,52],{},"It is a made up word by John Koenig, I am not aware of a translation in French.",[31,54,55],{},"But anyway, discovering this word is a relief because I am not the only one to ever feel it. I've met other people feeling the same. So I wanted to share my thoughts.",[31,57,58],{},"The guilt is actually common. When something matters deeply and one is met with a blank stare or a polite \"yes\", it's easy to internalize that as a personal failure of articulating inner thoughts or experiences that fit into boxes for many.",[31,60,61],{},"But exulansis is different. This isn't a lack of words but more of a lack of shared context. When I have gone through experiences that are outside of people's routine, life views, or even social experiences, language sometimes hits a wall. I am able to describe the facts of what happened, but I cannot force them to feel any weight of it. The frustration of trying to bridge the gap becomes exhausting and I just stop trying. My knowledge or memories are left in my mind, only shared with a very few people on earth.",[31,63,64],{},"Living abroad for so many years, in different countries and with someone who comes from a different culture is the proof of that missing shared context. We understand each other because we have lived together for 12 years. But friends and family have no idea of whom we've become. Individually or as a team.",[31,66,67],{},"The result is a sort of exile. It is one thing to be misunderstood by strangers, but another level when the people I've known forever don't know me anymore.",[31,69,70],{},"I have known them because I have always returned to the context they met me in. Back to each country whether for visiting friends, clients or family, in their context, in their life. So I understand them because I am aware of that context.",[31,72,73],{},"Being aware of that pushed me to invite family and friends so many times to visit places I lived in or even traveling together. In fact, I have become very good at opening people to the world, through experiences. Only a very few made the move though.",[31,75,76],{},"People back in \"their contexts\" have a hard time understanding what it means to live abroad for so long. They never really get it. Eventually, they look at a version of me that only exists in their memories. So when I try to share something new about the me of now, it feels like explaining a color they've never seen... and they will maybe never see at all. Because there is no reference point, no exploration of foreign systems, no introspections that forces change into an immigrant's life. Then, summarizing years of deep identity evolution and transformation becomes impossible and too heavy. That often ends up in listening to them talk about their life that I can understand and relate to. It is easier for both of us.",[31,78,79],{},"My partner is the only one today who gets it. Twelve years of building a shared third culture together to the point where we created our own language. Sometimes with words in multiple languages.",[31,81,82],{},"So yes, the hardest part is accepting that my friends and family might never truly see the full architecture of who we've become. They see the outline, but the depth is something they will probably never access. They project their own ideas of me onto me. Over time I feel I'm not from any country anymore. I'm in the shadow of everything. Like many third culture individuals. We went out of our original matrix and we'll never be back.",[31,84,85],{},"Family is the hardest because I've broken all traditional molds or systems. They don't know how to categorize me anymore. Worse, by simply existing, my life acts as a mirror of their choices, bringing back their own insecurities, biases and metrics of success. They project judgement and sometimes jealousy because I unconsciously represent a challenge to their own life style or worldviews. So it becomes easier to reduce me to a caricature or a competitor. Strange behaviours occurs out of it like rejection, agressivity, contempt, judgment of any sort, comparison to their own successes. I guess this is easier than to do the hard work of truly learning who I am.",[31,87,88],{},"Yes, I am in the shadow of everything. A ghost in my origins and a perpetual foreigner everywhere else. Ever heard of a traveler saying \"I belong to everything and nothing all at once\"? That's the shadow of things people never see. I live in it, I build my little family in it. With my own metrics of success, independent of all, sovereign.",[31,90,91],{},"So I avoid them all to protect our life and our privacy because relationships require a bridge built from both sides. I have realized long ago that being the only side to pay the effort despite knowing the gap jeopardizes mental health. I share what is instantly relatable, but nothing deep anymore and certainly not what shapes me.",[31,93,94,96],{},[34,95,26],{},". Now I have a word to tell what's going on.",{"title":8,"searchDepth":98,"depth":98,"links":99},2,[],"What happens when language is not enough. My reflection on the gap between who we have become and the version people from different times or cultures remember.","md",{"status":103,"publication_date":104,"views":105},"published","2026-07-31",[106],"writing",true,"/writing/articles/exulansis",{"title":26,"description":100},{"loc":108},"writing/articles/exulansis","eV7axOqy-xlRTMx9kSXXeYhlYrhsA1-CBvYm8d51fAg",1785490924354]