In France, the default starting position of any negotiation, social or professional, is often: No.

One should not mistake this for a refusal. It is not an end, it is a prerequisite for entry. It is a request for a case.

In a culture driven by conviction, a "yes" must be earned through the friction of debate. When a French person gives his word, it becomes a value added in a term of giving a word. It is the transition from a casual exchange to a committed action or relationship.

French are cold. Really?

One often observes that the French are not immediately open. There is an "ice wall" like a thick barrier to entry that can be confusing for those used to the low-friction social interfaces. Looking at you North America and Australia.

Europeans often describe the US as the following: You meet a stranger, feels like best friends within minutes, and then never hears from them again. This is a high-churn social model.

The French model is different.

The initial coldness is a filter. If one takes the time to break the ice (specifically, if one makes the effort to speak the language), the experience transforms. Loyalty is a component of French relationships. Once one is "in," one is stuck the long run. It is a low-churn, high-reliability system.

A word about Paris

There is a persistent belief that the French are arrogant. Often because of the "parisian performance". I should start by saying that Paris is not France. Paris is simply in France.

In the capital, the environment is one of extreme competition and high stakes. People must fight to protect their interests and their relevance. Arrogance is often a defensive layer, an armor against being set aside by their peers.

In the city of luxe, design, fashion, finance, if you don't know already you loose relevance. Professionals often pretend to know everything, not because they are deluded, but to avoid being set aside by their peers. To be out of the loop in design, knowledge, or involvement is a form of professional obsolescence. Who wants to work with lagging knowledge? This is Paris, France is a bigger country.

They are rarely "surprised" because they have been trained to "know it already."

Earning the "yes" has value

Understanding these cultural protocols changes the nature of the interaction. One must prepare the narrative, endure the initial "no", and respect the slow build of trust.

In France, the "yes" is a milestone, not a greeting.

It is a culture that prioritizes the depth of the commitment over the speed of the acquisition.